The start of the year can be overwhelming: After the whirlwind of holiday celebrations — hosting family gatherings, picking the perfect gifts, and trying to make everything “just right” — popular culture encourages us to do even more. Enter the New Year’s resolution: a self-imposed directive to improve oneself, often focusing on health and well-being. However, the path to better health — whether physical, emotional, or spiritual — may be found not in doing more, but in doing less and learning to let go.
As we reflect on our journey toward personal growth, we can look to the wisdom of Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and author of How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists. In a conversation with CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta, she shared the struggles many of us face with perfectionism, which can manifest in countless ways.
“I would say most of my clients come in with perfectionism at the center of the overlapping Venn diagram of their challenges,” Hendriksen explains, emphasizing that this drive for perfection often leads to feelings of inadequacy. “Nobody ever says, ‘I’m a perfectionist. I need everything to be perfect,’” she notes. “Instead, what they say is, ‘I feel like I’m failing.’ ‘I feel like I’m falling behind.’ ‘I should be so much farther ahead than I am now.’” These thoughts, which often accompany the desire for perfection, can create a sense of never being “enough.”
In the Catholic tradition, we are reminded that our worth is not measured by our accomplishments. As Hendriksen says, “We are not defined solely by our performance.” This truth is reflected in Scripture, which teaches us that we are made in God’s image, and He loves us regardless of our achievements. Our self-worth is rooted in God’s unconditional love, not in the accolades or “perfection” the world may place on us.
In a world where self-criticism and comparison are amplified by social media and societal expectations, perfectionism can lead to unhealthy behaviors. Hendriksen highlights how perfectionism can fuel conditions such as eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and even physical ailments. She shares her own experience, saying, “I developed a GI illness… I had an overuse injury from typing too much. I woke up one morning, and I couldn’t turn my head to the right because my muscles were too tight.” These physical manifestations of emotional strain remind us of the importance of caring for our well-being, not just meeting external expectations.
In our faith journey, we are called to surrender our burdens to Christ. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). In seeking to be perfect, we often place an unnecessary burden on ourselves, but Jesus offers a better way — a way that allows us to let go of the stress and strain and rest in His grace.
Hendriksen offers five helpful tips to ease the grip of perfectionism, many of which can resonate with our spiritual lives:
- You’re Not Your Achievements
Hendriksen encourages individuals to remember, “There is value to you beyond your accomplishments.” In the eyes of God, our worth is intrinsic and immeasurable. We are beloved children of the Father, regardless of our success or failure. As St. John Paul II wrote, “Do not be afraid to be the saint you were meant to be.” - Tone Down Your Inner Critic
Hendriksen advises, “Take your critical brain less seriously.” When we feel inadequate or not good enough, we must remember that these thoughts are not the truth. We are called to love ourselves as God loves us, with kindness and compassion. As St. Thérèse of Lisieux said, “God does not require that we be successful, only that we be faithful.” - Make Self-Compassion Easier
Hendriksen teaches that self-compassion doesn’t need to be complicated. A simple phrase like “You’re okay” or taking time to pause can be a powerful way to offer grace to ourselves. The Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us that “we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves” (CCC 1825). We must extend that same love to ourselves, especially in moments of struggle. - Let Your Inner Sloth Out
Sometimes, we must resist the pressure to constantly be productive. Hendriksen urges us to allow ourselves unstructured time to enjoy simple pleasures, whether it’s reading, taking a walk, or even singing to your pet. Just as the Sabbath was given as a day of rest, we are encouraged to recharge and refresh, allowing our spirits to be renewed. - Do Good Work for the Right Reasons
Lastly, Hendriksen suggests keeping our high standards but focusing on the work, not ourselves. She writes, “Keep your focus squarely on the work. Don’t extrapolate it into a referendum on your character.” In our daily tasks, we are invited to offer our work as a prayer to God, not as a means of proving our worth. St. Teresa of Avila once said, “Christ has no body now but yours,” reminding us that the work we do is an offering to the Lord, and it doesn’t have to be perfect to be valuable.
Perfectionism may be a pervasive force in our lives, but it need not control us. As we enter a new year, let us embrace the grace that God offers us. Let go of the need to do it all, and instead, allow His perfect love to heal and sustain us. Remember, as Hendriksen wisely advises, “You don’t have to lower your standards… but focus on the work, not yourself.”
By turning to Christ and trusting in His love and guidance, we can find peace in imperfection, knowing that we are always enough in His eyes.
