Welcome to Dear Father Thomas, a weekly column where readers share their questions about faith, family, relationships, and life’s challenges. Each week, Father Thomas offers practical wisdom and spiritual guidance rooted in Scripture and the teachings of the Catholic Church.
DEAR FATHER THOMAS: My mom died a few months ago, and I still don’t understand how I’m supposed to live in a world where she isn’t here.
I keep reaching for my phone to call her. Something happens and I think, “I need to tell Mom,” and then I remember that I can’t. Everyone tells me that grief gets easier with time, but right now it feels like there is this enormous empty space in my life that nothing can fill.
I believe in God. I believe in eternal life. But knowing those things doesn’t stop me from missing her. Sometimes I even feel guilty for being this sad because I know I’m supposed to trust God.
How do I keep going when someone who was part of my whole life is suddenly gone? — MISSING MY MOM
DEAR MISSING MY MOM: Faith does not mean that you aren’t allowed to grieve. Jesus Himself wept at the death of His friend Lazarus. Your sadness is not evidence that you don’t trust God. It is evidence that you loved her deeply.
You don’t have to figure out how to live the rest of your life without her today. You only have to live today. Then tomorrow, you do it again.
The Church gives us something beautiful in our grief: hope. Death does not erase the love you shared, and it does not have the final word. We entrust those who have died to God’s mercy, pray for them, and hold onto Christ’s promise of eternal life.
There may always be moments when you wish you could pick up the phone and hear her voice again. Missing her doesn’t mean you’re failing to heal. Some people become part of us so deeply that their absence will always be felt.
So when grief comes, don’t be ashamed of it. Bring it to God. Remember her. Pray for her. And trust that the love between you was not meaningless simply because her earthly life ended.
You are learning how to carry that love in a different way now.
Have a question for Father Thomas? Email us at dearfather@ycvf.org. While we can’t respond to every message personally, your letter could be selected for a future episode.
