In recent years, a troubling trend has emerged in the United States: increasing numbers of young adults are reporting a lack of sexual activity, a phenomenon now referred to as “sexlessness.” The most recent data from the National Survey of Family Growth reveals a shocking rise in sexual inactivity among young adults. Between 2013 and 2023, all measures of sexlessness increased for both young males and females, with sexlessness among young men roughly doubling and among young women rising by 50%. According to Lyman Stone, an Institute for Family Studies fellow, “the decline in marriage” is one of the biggest drivers of this collapse in sexual activity. He explains that “married people have more sex, and for most young adults, marriage is occurring later or not at all. As a result, sex is declining.”
This crisis, while alarming, represents a profound opportunity for Catholics to step forward and evangelize on the truths of marriage, sexuality, and human dignity. In a society that has become increasingly detached from real relationships, the Church’s message about the sanctity and beauty of marriage is more crucial than ever.
The Breakdown of Real Relationships
What lies at the heart of this epidemic? Experts point to a disturbing cultural shift in how young adults approach relationships. According to J.P. De Gance, founder of the marriage ministry Communio, the rise in sexlessness is tied to the breakdown of real relationships. “Few [people] form healthy dating relationships and few form any meaningful friendships ‘in real life,'” De Gance argues. “In 1990, 70% of men had five or more close friends. By 2021, just 40% had that many.” The problem, he suggests, is not merely that fewer people are dating, but that the foundation of meaningful, personal relationships is eroding.
The age of smartphones and social media has exacerbated this crisis. “The age of smartphones and other high-tech distractions has worsened this cultural moment where few meet, fewer marry, and even fewer have kids,” De Gance notes. He warns that society is “starved” for genuine human connection. This is where the Catholic faith can offer a countercultural answer.
Marriage as a Lifeline
The Catholic Church has long taught that marriage is more than just a union between two people—it is a vocation, a call to sanctity, and a means of grace. Yet, many young people today are rejecting marriage, often due to a distorted view shaped by broken families, high divorce rates, and the widespread acceptance of cohabitation without commitment. As Mary Rose Verret, co-founder of Witness to Love, observes, “If you haven’t lived in an intimate, intact, thriving family…marriage is not attractive.” In a world where few have witnessed the beauty of sacramental marriage, it is no wonder that many young people hesitate to enter into this sacred covenant.
Contraception and pornography further distort the understanding of sex and marriage. As Mary Rose Verret explains, “Because of birth control and contraception, in people’s minds, kids are separated from sex. And now sex is separated from marriage. And now [with pornography] it’s gotten so that sex is separated from people.” This disconnection leads to a culture where sex is viewed as a commodity, disconnected from love, commitment, and the deep human need for intimacy. “When a person leaves God and the natural order, you think you’re becoming free,” Ryan Verret warns, “but the first thing that goes when you leave God is your freedom.”
An Invitation to Real Love
So, what is the Church to do? How can Catholics effectively evangelize in this climate of loneliness and sexlessness? The answer lies in rebuilding the foundations of real, authentic relationships. J.P. De Gance emphasizes that “in-real-life” relationships are the bedrock upon which evangelization must rest. “Catechesis can only occur if you first form a relationship with someone,” he argues. This means that Catholics must not only preach the truth about marriage but also create spaces where young people can experience the beauty of real relationships firsthand.
One example of this can be found in a Florida parish where a dance, originally for older parishioners, has become a safe, fun environment for young adults to meet and interact. “Believe it or not, that dance was held weekly during the school year,” De Gance recalls, pointing to how parish life used to provide vibrant, meaningful opportunities for young people to form connections. He calls for a revival of this type of parish life, combined with “sound relationship skills formation.”
Similarly, the Verrets encourage families to model healthy, successful marriages to young people. “Invite young people to be around you,” Mary Rose says. “Get them in a place where they can see marriage lived out. If they don’t know what it looks like, they won’t desire it.”
A Call to Action
This is not just a problem of social isolation or personal choice. This is a matter of life, dignity, and the preservation of the family as the cornerstone of society. As Catholics, we must boldly proclaim the truth about marriage and sexuality—not as outdated traditions, but as the way to true freedom, fulfillment, and happiness. The data on sexlessness is not just a statistical trend; it is a cry from a generation desperately in need of the love and truth that only Christ can offer.
The Church’s mission is clear: we must rebuild relationships, renew marriages, and restore the dignity of human sexuality. It’s time to stop accepting the cultural narrative of loneliness, confusion, and sexual fragmentation. Let us rise to the occasion and offer the world a better way—the way of love, commitment, and true freedom in Christ. As the Verrets rightly point out, “Marriage is about more than sex.” It is about life, community, and the love that binds us all together. We must reclaim this vision of marriage, for it is the antidote to a culture starved for real relationships.
In a world that has lost its way, the Church has the answer.
