Welcome to Dear Father Thomas, a weekly column where readers share their questions about faith, family, relationships, and life’s challenges. Each week, Father Thomas offers practical wisdom and spiritual guidance rooted in Scripture and the teachings of the Catholic Church.
DEAR FATHER THOMAS: I lost my child, and sometimes I still can’t believe those words belong to my life.
People tell me that eventually things will get easier, but I don’t know if I want them to. Part of me feels guilty whenever I laugh or have a good day, like moving forward means leaving my child behind. I’m afraid that as the years pass, everyone else will move on and somehow I’m supposed to as well.
I believe in God. I believe in Heaven. But I still miss my child here, with me, more than I can explain. Will my child always be part of me? — A GRIEVING PARENT
DEAR A GRIEVING PARENT: Yes. Your child will always be part of you.
Grief does not follow a schedule, and healing does not require forgetting. The love you have for your child does not disappear because their earthly life has ended. And when you laugh again, celebrate again, or discover moments of joy, you are not betraying that love.
Our Catholic faith gives us something more than the hope that our loved ones simply live on in our memories. We believe that death is not the end. Jesus tells us, “I am the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25).
That does not make your grief small. Even Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. Faith and sorrow can exist together.
So when grief returns unexpectedly, allow yourself to miss your child. When joy comes, allow yourself to receive that too. You do not have to choose between loving the child you lost and continuing to live the life God has given you.
Moving forward does not mean moving away from your child.
Your child mattered. Your love mattered. And that love will always be woven into who you are.
Have a question for Father Thomas? Email us at dearfather@ycvf.org. While we can’t respond to every message personally, your letter could be selected for a future episode.
Awwww this makes me cry 😥💔you are always in my prayers your child is not lost to you they are there in every Communion