Welcome to Dear Father Thomas, a weekly column where readers share their questions about faith, family, relationships, and life’s challenges. Each week, Father Thomas offers practical wisdom and spiritual guidance rooted in Scripture and the teachings of the Catholic Church.
DEAR FATHER THOMAS: I’ve been married for fourteen years. My spouse is a good person, a good parent, and works hard for our family. We don’t fight very often, but lately it feels like we’re just going through the motions. We used to talk about everything. We laughed together. We spent time together because we wanted to, not because we had to.
Now most days are filled with work, bills, errands, and responsibilities. By the time evening comes, we’re both exhausted. Some nights we barely say more than a few words to each other. The hardest part is that I miss my spouse, even though they’re sitting right beside me. I don’t want to be angry or resentful. I just miss the connection we once had, and I wonder if we’ll ever find it again. — FEELING INVISIBLE
DEAR FEELING INVISIBLE: My friend, The words that touched me most were these: “I miss my spouse, even though they’re sitting right beside me.” Many married couples know this feeling. Not because they have stopped loving one another, but because life can slowly crowd out the time and attention that love needs to grow.
Work, children, finances, responsibilities, and simple exhaustion can create distance where closeness once existed. But distance does not always mean love is gone. Sometimes it simply means a relationship needs care, patience, and renewed attention.
Marriage is not sustained by grand romantic moments. More often, it is strengthened by small acts of love repeated faithfully over time. A conversation. A prayer together. A kind word. A willingness to listen.
Most importantly, remember that Christ remains at the center of your marriage, even during difficult seasons. He sees your loneliness, your desire for connection, and your hope for something better. Do not give up because things feel different than they once did. Every marriage experiences seasons. Some are filled with joy, and others require perseverance.
Bring your marriage to the Lord each day. Ask Him to restore what feels distant and strengthen what feels weak. The fact that you still miss your spouse tells me something important: your heart has not given up. And with God’s grace, that is a beautiful place to begin. Until next time, may God bless you and keep you always.
Have a question for Father Thomas? Email us at dearfather@ycvf.org. While we can’t respond to every message personally, your letter could be selected for a future episode.
