Actress Christina Applegate has shared deeply personal reflections about an abortion she underwent at age 19, describing the emotional turmoil and lasting regret she experienced in the aftermath.
In her memoir, You With the Sad Eyes, the former Married With Children star recounts the experience through diary entries she wrote at the time. According to LifeSiteNews, Applegate explained that revisiting the event in her own words was necessary because the experience remains too painful to describe fully today.
The entries reveal that the young actress struggled with the decision and rejected the idea that the child she carried was not truly human. In one entry, she reflected on the cultural messaging she had previously believed about abortion, writing, “I always felt that if I ever got pregnant when I knew it was the wrong time, I wouldn’t have any problem having an abortion. ‘Oh, whatever, it isn’t even a baby yet.’ That’s bull—. This creature is incredible. It makes me feel whole, safe …,” according to LifeSiteNews.
But the tone of the diary soon turned darker as the reality of her decision approached. Applegate wrote bluntly about the abortion she had scheduled, saying, “I’m fcking pregnant and I’m killing my child on Thursday. I’m thinking where the f** can I go to recuperate from murder,” according to LifeSiteNews.
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At the time, Applegate was building her acting career and feared that having a baby would derail her future in Hollywood. Her diary reflected that internal conflict, writing that she could not have the baby because she had “work to do to entertain this… world,” according to LifeSiteNews.
In June 1991, when she was about three months pregnant and days away from the procedure, Applegate wrote a poem addressed to the child she believed was a girl. In the entry she called the baby “a miracle,” writing, “Such a tiny existence / Such an immense effect you have… You are a miracle / A tiny-handed miracle / I love you,” according to LifeSiteNews.
The poem also acknowledged the painful choice she believed she had to make. She wrote to the unborn child, “I hope you will forgive me… But Mommy can’t be with you right now,” according to LifeSiteNews.
The diary continued in the days leading up to the abortion. On June 12, 1991, she wrote, “Tomorrow is the day. Yes, pain and all the other emotions are pummeling my soul,” according to LifeSiteNews.
The following day, after the procedure, Applegate wrote that the ordeal was over but that she had little time to process what had happened. “Well, it’s over. I feel pretty okay. Just kind of woozy. That gives me no time to realize what I have done. Which is most likely the best right now,” she wrote, according to LifeSiteNews.
Years later, Applegate reflected on those entries with a sense that the emotional burden of the decision had never fully disappeared. Now 54 and living with multiple sclerosis, she wrote that reading her younger self’s words felt almost prophetic. It was “almost as if I could see a future in which the bill for all the guilt and unhappiness and trauma would be paid by my body,” according to LifeSiteNews.
Pro-life advocates say Applegate’s testimony highlights the emotional and spiritual toll abortion can leave on mothers. Bridget Sielicki of Live Action said many women in the entertainment industry have been told that abortion is necessary for success. “Over the years, countless women – especially in the entertainment industry – have been sold the lie that the only way they can be successful is to kill their preborn children,” Sielicki said, according to LifeSiteNews.
Sielicki added that many women later regret that decision, noting that “the killing of a preborn child leaves a lasting mark on the mother,” according to LifeSiteNews.
Applegate’s story stands in contrast to the testimony of former America’s Next Top Model contestant Leah Darrow, who has spoken publicly about choosing motherhood while pursuing her career. According to LifeSiteNews, Darrow once recorded a video while in labor with her fifth child, responding to cultural claims that children hold women back from success.
“Babies don’t keep us from our dreams,” Darrow said in the video, according to LifeSiteNews.
For many Christians, stories like these raise profound questions about the dignity of human life and the cultural pressures surrounding abortion. Catholic teaching holds that every human life is sacred from the moment of conception and that both mother and child deserve compassion, support, and protection.
Applegate’s painful memories serve as a reminder that the choices surrounding life and motherhood often carry consequences far beyond a single moment—touching the heart, conscience, and soul for years to come.
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