Father Thomas, a weekly column where readers share their questions about faith, family, relationships, and life’s challenges. Each week, Father Thomas offers practical wisdom and spiritual guidance rooted in Scripture and the teachings of the Catholic Church.
DEAR FATHER THOMAS: I never imagined I would be writing this.
My son was baptized, made his First Communion, and was confirmed. We prayed together, went to Mass every Sunday, and tried to raise him in the faith. But now he’s in his twenties, and he says he doesn’t believe anymore. He calls the Church outdated and says religion just isn’t for him.
Every conversation seems to turn into an argument, so I’ve stopped bringing it up. But inside, I’m heartbroken. I lie awake wondering where I went wrong. Did I fail him? Did I not teach him enough? I pray every day that he’ll come back, but sometimes I feel like God isn’t listening.
How do I love my child without giving up hope? And how do I stop blaming myself? — A PRAYING MOTHER
DEAR A PRAYING MOTHER: The sorrow you carry is one many faithful parents know well, even if they rarely speak of it. First, let me tell you something you may need to hear: your child’s freedom is not proof of your failure. God Himself gives every soul the freedom to choose Him or to walk away.
Even the father in the parable of the prodigal son watched his beloved child leave. He did not stop loving him, and he never stopped waiting for him. Continue praying—but do not let prayer become anxiety wearing holy clothes. Place your son into the Sacred Heart of Jesus each day, then trust that Christ loves him even more than you do.
Remember, faith is rarely won through arguments. It is most often rekindled through love, joy, patience, and the quiet witness of a life lived close to Christ. Let your son see that your faith makes you more peaceful, more forgiving, and more compassionate—not fearful or resentful.
If he asks questions, answer gently. If he shares his doubts, listen before you speak. Keep the door open. Sometimes the Holy Spirit works in silence long before we see any outward change. And never underestimate the power of a mother’s prayers. Saint Monica prayed for years through tears before her son, Augustine, returned to the Lord. Today, he is one of the greatest saints and doctors of the Church.
Do not surrender to despair. God’s grace is still pursuing your child, even in places you cannot see. Entrust him to Our Lady, who never stops leading her children to her Son. And every time you wonder whether there is still hope, remember this: no one is ever beyond the reach of God’s mercy. May the Lord bless you and keep you always.
Have a question for Father Thomas? Email us at dearfather@ycvf.org. While we can’t respond to every message personally, your letter could be selected for a future episode.
