Welcome to Dear Father Thomas, a weekly column where readers share their questions about faith, family, relationships, and life’s challenges. Each week, Father Thomas offers practical wisdom and spiritual guidance rooted in Scripture and the teachings of the Catholic Church.
DEAR FATHER THOMAS: How do I forgive myself after a divorce? What might God think of me? I have asked for forgiveness many times, but I still carry the guilt. How long do I continue asking for that forgiveness? — STILL CARRYING THE PAST
DEAR STILL CARRYING THE PAST: My dear friend, Thank you for writing. I suspect there are many people listening today who carry the same question in their hearts. You ask how to forgive yourself after a divorce and what God might think of you.
The first thing I want you to know is this: God is not looking at you with condemnation. He is looking at you with love. Divorce is painful. Even when it was necessary, it can leave behind regret, sadness, and countless “what ifs.” It is easy to keep replaying the past and wondering if you could have done something differently.
You also ask how long you should continue asking for forgiveness. If you have sincerely brought your heart to God and asked for His mercy, there comes a point when the question is no longer whether God has forgiven you. The question becomes whether you will accept the forgiveness He is offering.
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. Remember that your divorce is not your identity. It is one chapter of your life, not the whole story. You are still God’s beloved child, and His plan for your life did not end because a marriage ended. So today, instead of asking, “Has God forgiven me?” perhaps ask, “Can I trust that God has forgiven me?” That trust is often where healing begins. Be assured of my prayers. God bless you.
Have a question for Father Thomas? Email us at dearfather@ycvf.org. While we can’t respond to every message personally, your letter could be selected for a future episode.
